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New Joke, OMG!

This year's monthly joke is brought to us by [Stephen], a relatively unknown Elfpacker who sometimes has surgery and stuff. It's like his hobby. Let's hope he gets better soon! So, let's stop laughing AT him and laugh WITH him at this awesome joke he submitted:

Two long time friends decide to go for a round of golf at a nearby course. They meet in the parking lot at the front of the golf course and start to unload the trucks of their cars when one tells another “Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!” the other replies, “GREAT trade!”

Huh. Well, it wasn't really all that awesome, but he tried, I guess. Anyway, you can go back to laughing at him now. Mort out!

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Eat at Elfpack Jokes!

About Elfpack Jokes
Date: 2014-01-09 05:23:29 Joke #: 79 Mod: Mortified Penguin

Beer jokes on tap - Elfpack Jokes

1) A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 beers. One by one he slams them down. The bartender tells him to slow up, but the man replies that he drinks like that because of what he's got. The bartender asks him, "I'm sorry. What do you have?" To which the guzzler replied, "Only 50 cents."

2) If your beer is tasteless and the front of your shirt is wet, you are obviously so drunk you've forgotten to open your damn mouth.

3) What do idiots and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

4) The drunk was driving carefully so he was surprised when a cop pulled him over. He asked the policeman, "Was I driving dangerously?" "Nope," replied the cop. "It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."

5) You know you've drunk too much beer when: Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

6) After several beers a man stumbles out of a bar and staggers down the road, one foot in the gutter and the other on the curb. A police man stops him and says, "Hey! You're drunk!" "Thank God!" replied the man. "I thought I was crippled!"


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This round of beer-related funnies was brought to you by [hinata hyuuga (kimiko)]. Hopfully you liked them and can barley contain your laughter. Of Coors, you can submit your own to Elfpack Jokes if you think you can do bitter!

About Elfpack Jokes
Date: 2013-07-22 07:16:16 Joke #: 78 Mod: kittykittykitty

Many jokes, handle it - Elfpack Jokes

It was a very sad day when I took my cat to the vet. The vet looked at me and said, "I'm afraid your cat won't last long. It's the Big C."
"What? Cancer?" I replied.
"No," he answered. "Curiosity."



Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A Dictator!



Two molecules were sitting on a bench,
One said to the other,
"OH NOOOO I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?", replied the other one,
"Yes, I AM POSITIVE."



Q. How much does a polar bear weigh?
A. Enough to break the ice. So how you doin? ;)

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Thanks [Deg] for the first joke, [Midori] for the second, [meismisty] for the third, and [Kaos101] for the questionable chat-up line.

Want to share your favourite jokes on mainstuff? Submit them to Elfpack Jokes!

About Elfpack Jokes
Date: 2013-05-05 18:42:11 Joke #: 77 Mod: kittykittykitty

Eagles - Elfpack Jokes

Did you know that Eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Marlene, his partner for 10 years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. Poor Marlene had been shot dead...

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. Since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.

He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is "I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!"
It wasn't long before this got on Harry's nerves, so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but despite his best efforts all the loon would say is "I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!"
So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate.

This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.
This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was
"I am a DRAKE,
You made a MISTAKE....."

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It's an easy mistake to make! Seems like Harry was in for a surprise. Thanks [matty coppick] for submitting this joke.

About Elfpack Jokes
Date: 2013-02-08 14:16:39 Joke #: 76 Mod: kittykittykitty
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