Me in red

Hey peoples, my name's Chelsea, I made this account hella years ago, and I'm bored, so I'm updating it. Back then I lied on everything. So I'm 16 years old. Yes those pics are of me. I'm not skinny but according to everyone, my eyes are kickass..... Haha I have a myspace black_fairy49@hotmail.com so find me. I'm an awesome listener and my advice rocks so feel like talking? I'm here for you! Don't piss me off though cause I become the ultimate bitch... Cell phone number 1-530-925-0477, text me =) Want any more information, message me and I MIGHT tell you.







[1].How to annoy people in a school:


a.Bring a llama to all of your classes. When someone asks why, just shake your head and mutter furiously
.
b.When in exams, every five minutes tear up your paper, scatter it in the air, scream MERRY CHRISTMAS, then ask for a new peice of paper. Repeat until you are asked to leave.


c.Write a really long essay, REAALY long, and in the middle somewhere put something like 'I am Elvis' or 'Death to squirrels'


d.Burst out laughing, stop abruptly, then stare suspiciously at everyone


e.Insist that all teachers much refer to you as 'My Lord'


f.Whenever someone opens a door, scream and faint


[2].How to annoy people in a cinema:


a.Discuss really loudly what a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Jar Jar Binks would be like


b.Throw things at the people in front of you. When they turn around, point at the person next to you



c.Try really badly to imitate an foreign accent, even if there are no foreigners in the actual film.


d.When something really important's about to happen, like when they name the killer, scream LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER! and roll, laughing hysterically, down the aisle


e.Gasp after everything


f.Ask an usher or an attendant if they are expecting any turbulence


g.Shout 'Did you hear that?!?!?!?' after every sentence someone says

[STONERZ PLEDGE
peace,pot,tequila shot, jesus luvs you stoned or not, sex,drugs,rock+roll,speed,weed,birth control,lifes a bitch then u die, fuck the world lets get high.we are stoners we have class,mess with us we'll kick your ass, so to all you preps who think your cool go to hell cuz stonerz rule]


[My name is sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do nuffin wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight.
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.]











[~~gurls poem~~
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the check book,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewellery's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest!!!!!
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK???]






A girl and guy were speeding, on a motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road..




Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.





Guy: No, this is fun.





Girl: No, it’s not. Please, it’s too scary!





Guy: Then tell me you love me.





Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!





Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.





*Girl hugs him*





Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It’s bugging me...





(In the paper the next day)





A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, but
only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.



{I'M CONTEMPLATING YOUR DEMISE...}


[how does that make you feel?]