[burning_halo]'s diary

135554  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2013-03-29
Written: (3828 days ago)

Leave me alone

Get out of my head

I don’t want you there anymore

No, wait…I didn’t mean that

I want you

        I want you so much

I want you to hold me

        And kiss me

        And pretend like everything is okay

                Like you want me

Just be there for me the way I thought you were

Lie to me if you have to

Allow me to go on thinking that you give a damn

Feed my delusions, keep me in the dark

        This light is too much, it blinds me


Cover my eyes with your false promises and all the pretty memories we made

        They may not be real but they were beautiful

        A shallow beauty, just like you

                You were only skin deep

But the pain you caused cuts deep

        Stabs even

        It’s a crippling pain

Staggering through life without you, it hurts

You were so bad for me, but you felt so nice

You poisoned my mind and I loved you for it

But now you’re gone, the poison is seeping from my veins

And in its absence I can live again

        Damn it’s hard though!

These withdrawals rattle my being

        My very existence is shaken

The road back curls and writhes in front of me

If I can conquer this perhaps I can finally be happy

You truly aren’t making this any easier on me

So keep your whispers from my ears

And please,

        Get out of my head…

131318  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-01-21
Written: (4625 days ago)

My pillow is soaked
My crying carries me to sleep
And it follows me each night into my dreams
I dream of being held in your arms
Of just lying contented against you
And as you stroke my hair and reassure me that everything will be okay
I can look into your eyes and see forever
Eternity is reflected back to me from those eyes
And within this eternity...there is only us
Only you and me...because you love me and I love you and you will never let me go
You never let me hurt and every tear that rolls down my face is wiped away and replaced with a kiss
I am your world as you are my everything
If only we had each other at every moment that would be enough
Nothing else would matter...the world could fall apart around us and it would go on unnoticed
Because this love has so fulfilled us...
But it's just a dream....
As I wake to my tear stained pillow, reality comes rushing back...
You don't love me, you never did
You made me believe in you so that you could take everything from me
I don't think you meant it
You can't be so cruel
You must not know that everytime i see you pain is ripping through my body until I'm numb to everything
All my effort is used just to hold back this river of hurt that would otherwise come rolling down my face
I suppose it goes on unnoticed
You simply couldn't know
And who am I to tell you
To let you know that create such an abysmal mix of love and pain with each glance
How can I say that you are literally my everything and I would do anything, anything to have you
The answer is...I can't
What if you laugh, what if you don't love me back?
What if you just don't care?
....I couldn't take it
Therefore you will just keep not knowing
While I just keep hurting, keep longing, keep loving
And of course keep dreaming
Because in my dreams
I am your world and you are my everything
...forever and more

128796  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-04-24
Written: (4897 days ago)
Next in thread: 129026

how did this get so far?
i swore i wldnt let it
not again
it hurts, it stings, it rips, it burns
pain pours through the holes of my soul
i see my heart in front of me
held together with so many loose threads
vulnerable to all the damage of the world
every possible trama
and yet all there is is you
the simple excruitiating beauty of you
and everything about the person you are
...its almost too much
you see my thread bare heart
you pick it up so tenderly
and you promise...
you promise to never leave
to be the one,
to never hurt me again
and as your promises weave into my mind
and intertwine my soul
you squeeze, you tear, you pull
my heart is nothing but a pile of unrecognizable pieces
...and you're not done
you tell me exactly what i've always known
im not good enough...im not worth it
and you leave me...broken, beaten, and alone
then in your wake, i know...
im everyone's favorite
favorite to hurt, favorite to break
they all love to see me cry
every tear a sign of defeat
they love to pull me apart
rip me apart piece by piece
they cant help but love to throw every bit of my fragile soul
into the ash that once was my life
until i am stripped bare of every tender thought, every happy memory
they didnt mean it when they said they loved me...
i know they didnt...
just like i know you didnt mean it when you looked into my eyes
and i saw the world reflected back
i just know...because they all left
just like you did...
you were so special, but not original
one more broken promise...one more dose of pain
just another death ripping from the inside out
...just one more
but with every silent scream burning through my body
i make a promise i know i'll break (just like you did)
i will never let it get this far again
i swear
not again...

126429  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-11-28
Written: (5045 days ago)

days within eternity
seconds last an hour
something here has changed again
sweet kisses have turned sour
blindly listen to the silence
brush away the fear
if you begin to tremble, love
remember that im near
black roses hold no secrets
just thorns to take your blood
a single tear falls down your face
yet it could cause a flood
your heart has once been shattered
and so then was your soul
i'll sew our pieces together
broken hearts can make a whole
love is once more calling
listen to the silent ring
one haunting intricate melody
it creates a hard song to sing
there's no hiding from the moon, love
so dance once more, dont cower
these are days within eternity
where seconds last an hour

123775  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-07-15
Written: (5180 days ago)

o the pain...
never learn
new addiction
senseless tears
truest fiction
love unravels
fall apart
drug of love
courses through my heart
motionless shiver
silent cough
my deadly drug
please cut me off
drug of choice
yet never mine
i need you now
here's your sign
something changed
i still try
but you aren't near
im running dry
future dim
i'll live without
im emptiness
grows my doubt
attempt to recover
swallow the pill
leason learned
withdraws kill

123347  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-06-24
Written: (5202 days ago)

life reflected
my soul flies
happiness exists
in crystal eyes
love unbound
my heart cries
lost inside
your crystal eyes
pain is gone
no broken sighs
i feel safe
seeing crystal eyes
i am unworthy
one thousand tries
im not enough
for crystal eyes
forever and more
till all else dies
i'll stay locked inside
your crystal eyes

122616  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-05-22
Written: (5234 days ago)

The stage was set
So simple there
Across the room
The chosen stare
It started out
So slow and steady
My "love" began
I was unready
You cared so much
You were always there
I noticed it first
A simple scare
I missed one date
I thought no big deal
But I didn’t know
How it would make you feel
You screamed so loud
I was against the wall
The sting of a hit
But you didn’t mean it at all
"I still love you baby"
You whispered with care
I simply believed you
As you stroked my hair
It happened again
This time a punch
Yet I believed you once more
"Baby, I love you a bunch"
My insides all hurt
You were twisted, I was crying
I began to realize the truth
The love for you was dying
I escaped to a friend’s
I let it all spill
The pain was exposed
I felt truly ill
She gave me the strength
I didn’t know how
Independence restored
I could leave you now
I haven’t talked to you since
My life is my own
My new boyfriend must deal
With all the pain I have known
I saw you today
It nearly opened the sore
I remembered the fact…..
I’m not yours anymore

122254  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-04-25
Written: (5261 days ago)

o the pain
holding tight
talking now
deep in night
love is pain
they were right
hold me close
hold me tight
holding me
never leave
started to
couldn't breathe
when ur away
i couldn't stand
you're my drug
ur in demand
hugging u
now we kiss
when ur here
its simple bliss
i hope u know
but heres a clue
the song was great
i love u too

122253  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-04-25
Written: (5261 days ago)

if u have secrets u need to tell
we can talk all day long
if ur dreams get broken somehow
i'll remind u that u belong
if u need someplace to hide
u can hold my hand for a while
if ur sky begins to fall
i'll stay with u until u smile
whenever u need some space
there's my room, u can take it
if someone goes and breaks ur heart
together we'll unbreak it
when u feel sad or empty inside
i'll show u ur not alone
if u get lost out there
i'll come and take u home
i'll go with u somewhere else
when u need to get away
and when nothing seems to be going right
and u need a friend...i'll stay

by savannah b.

122252  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-04-25
Written: (5261 days ago)

o the pain
you were my drug
you were in demand
without you there
i cldnt stand
but now ur gone
not coming back
i fell to the floor
my world was black
i slowly straighten
trying to stand tall
my pain was receeding
giving a final retreat call
i saw what you were
all the times you had to lie
my breath runs through my lips
in a single broken sigh
our love was fake
but the pain was real
i know that u cheated
and how that made me feel
my heart was broken
i was in need
too bad for me
i just o.d.ed

122251  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-04-25
Written: (5261 days ago)

love notes burn
while the emotion spurs the fire
like what you taste of desire
people die
with no afterglow of life
fake a smile
falsehood dripping off the knife
sincere lies
burn me through and through
pain within
lack of love bursts anew
broken hearts
painful pulling of the stitches
tears run dry
emotion gone like lost riches
sorrow grows
against it you have no chance
life replaced
by a simple razorblade romance

 The logged in version 

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