no one gives a shit about me...

2 weeks ago the man i wanted to live forever with left me, telling me that for the last few months, he didnt even love me, yet he sleeped with me, i ended up in mental hospital after ODing on adivan(ralxation pills). i spent almost a whole week there, got out, and life isnt the same, i smile for the sake of my family, and for the man i love, but inside, im dead, cold, alone, and frozen, i could care less about what happends to me or the world, i just want it all to come to a crashing hault, i want my love to realise how much he means to me, but that wont happen. so i sit behind my fake smile, and ponder all the pain i can cause.

its really starting to piss me off.
no one i know in real life gives a shit about what im going threw, and no one online gives a shit eithor, i swear im ready to just delet every one and kill myself, i highly doubt any one would fucking care.

saturday night in as few words as posible
drunk teens stole my boy friends car
crashed it in woods 75 in, 5 feet in air on tree stump
cops come, some one says they say these kids with the car key playing around and in the car. its to late to atually do anyting

sunday
fingerprints car,ajay and me
i found some of missing items from trunk by kids tree fort, kid runs and hides it. cop already saw and and now knows the kid had something to do with it.
friend calls i go to hooters, come home and nieghbor says kids got arrested... over ajaysa car goes by and a red laser comes right in the house across ajay and my face, god knows what else is atached to the laser, might be just a toy, but i rather not take the chances.

cops come say they wait a little see if car goes by again.. didnt, i get brought home, in tears cuz my mind over active and i think of all these horrible things, and it dons on me, kids are not arrested, so they be on the bus with me... they have ajays knife still...
i cant sleep so i miss first day of school.

kids still not arrested.
im in paranoied city, i live pretty much right next to these kids, they come from a town thats known for haveing shit and crime all the time... i lived there, when to high school 1 day and said fuck this.

so here i am woried, ajay will get hurt or killed, and ill be left here, and end up killing myself i know it. or ill get hurt ot killed and ajay will be left, and i dont know how he will handle it, hed probly kill the kids and end up in jail... see over active negative mind.... i need to go try and sleep... i have fuckings school in the middle of this shit.

to see pics of the car go to spaz's boyfriend A.Jay