[La Fleur de La Croix]'s diary

136281  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2014-04-15
Written: (2145 days ago)

Hey everyone! Here's an update on everything that's happened since my last diary entry almost two years ago.

1) My boyfriend from my last entry, Devin, and I have broken up. We split about a month after that entry.
2) Not only have I been seeing someone else, Chris, but he and I are celebrating our 1-year engagement anniversary today (4/15/2014).
3) Chris and I will be getting married on October 13th, 2014.
4) If you want to see my dress, just let me know and I'll show you a picture.
5) My brother who has struggled most of his life with drugs, alcohol, and violence has joined the military. He's in the US Air Force now and left for Basic Training last week.
6) I'm still attending the university. I have changed my major from PoliSci & Economics to English - Creative Writing and I love it.
7) I'm working on a set of novels right now about five generations of a family whose plot I've been working on for about two years now. It's crazy and long and I love my work more than I can express.
8) Sirius, my bunny, is doing well. He's just as much of a brat now as he was two years ago.

If there's anything else you'd like to hear an update on, let me know. :)

134934  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2012-04-24
Written: (2865 days ago)

Yet another update!

-I am the "president" of the UCO Socialists and treasurer of the UCO Chess & Games club. I love my clubs and I'm so excited to be able to work as an officer again. :) I feel like it's where I belong.

-I've had an academic essay about the various allowances and revocations of freedoms within the United States over the last 150 years--focusing on racial, sex, and thought discrimination--published in a Socialist-backed publication.

-Boyfriend is living in my brother's old room for the most part but still spends a considerable amount of time with me in my bedroom when I'm at home.

-My tuition has been paid so I will not be losing my enrollment nor my job.

-I am almost done with this semester! I'm so ready for a short break. :)

Love you all!

134764  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2012-03-06
Written: (2915 days ago)
Next in thread: 134767, 134777

So, I'm getting published. :) My history professor wants to put my paper about the development of minorities', women's, and alternate sexual orientations' civil liberties and rights into a publication that she's the editor of.

134324  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-12-16
Written: (2996 days ago)

Hey, everyone.

I am retiring from all my positions here on elfpack. This might seem sudden to some of you, but to others--not so much. My real life will be consuming more time that there is in a day, leaving little to no time for elfpack. I will float around but I will not be working on anything major for the next few years (or more) at least, except maybe during summers. If you would like to know what my schedule is right now, I'll put it this way:

Monday: Work, school, therapy
Tuesday: Work, school
Wednesday: Work, school, therapy
Thursday: Work, school
Friday: Work, school, teaching, therapy
Saturday: Sleep
Sunday: Therapy

It's going to get much fuller come January 9th, since I'm going from one class to four and taking on more hours at work as well as adding two therapy sessions during the week.

I hope you all know that I love you and elfpack very much; it's been part of my life since I was 14--7 wonderful years. 1/3 of my life has been spent on the website. That said, I believe it's time for me to focus on my life away from the internet.

If you need me, PM me and I'll respond when I come back around, or text me if you have my number.

Much ♥,

134165  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2011-11-23
Written: (3019 days ago)


My photos from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and general stuff around Universal's Islands of Adventure. (I'm in glasses. RL Bestie is not.)

133423  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-09-06
Written: (3096 days ago)
Next in thread: 133424, 133427

You Are:

True Neutral

True Neutral- A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Detailed Results:

Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXX (10)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Evil ---- XXXX (4)


133183  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2011-08-21
Written: (3113 days ago)

Paranoid        	74%	49%
Schizoid        	86%	53%
Schizotypal     	78%	53%
Antisocial      	70%	47%
Borderline      	62%	47%
Histrionic      	54%	43%
Narcissistic    	54%	41%
Avoidant        	70%	39%
Dependent       	42%	37%
Obsessive-Compulsive	62%	40%

First column: my score.
Second column: average online scores.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

:/ I think I have some problems.

Take the test here: http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html
127958  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-02-18
Written: (3662 days ago)

Story of my life:

We have a dance!
In the brothels of Buenos Aries
Tells the story
Of a prostitute.
And a man... who falls in love...
With her.

First there is desire
Then... passion!
Then... suspicion!
Jealousy! Anger! Betrayal!
Where love is for the highest bidder,
There can be no trust!
Without trust,
There is no love!
Yes, jealousy...
Will drive you... mad!

You don't have to put on that red light
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right

You don't have to wear that dress tonight
You don't have to sell your body to the night

His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin
It's more than I can stand

Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me, but just don't decieve me
And please believe me when I say I love you

Yo que te quiero tanto, qué voy ha hacer
Me dejaste, me dejaste
En un tango
En el alma se me fue
Se me fue el corazon
Ya no tengo ganas de vivir
Porque no te puedo convencer
Que no te vendas Roxanne

Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You don't have to put on that red light

125112  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-08-31
Written: (3833 days ago)
Next in thread: 125303


The Addiction by Angtoria

I shall scream in silence
I'll cry but not shed a tear
I shall speak with no sound
I shall hurt with no pain
Your heart's as black as the night
On my death bed I'll crawl
You hold the breath to my life
Something dies within.

My soul whispers your name
Are you there?
Ocean of my fears
I shall drown for you
Inhibitions die, with your blinding light
I yearn for you now
Taste me, bleed me dry
Time cire slow like mourning
Without you in my sight
Something burns within me
Deep within my eyes.

124723  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-08-20
Written: (3844 days ago)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

124399  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-08-07
Written: (3857 days ago)


Damned and Divine by Tarja

It won't help if you wait for me.
I'm a slave to the dark.
I know I'm not a saint, you see.
The Dawn is when it starts.

Feel the shadow of my oblivion
Hoping mercy would show her face
On the road to your own perdition
In the coal-blackened rain.

Frozen in time yearning forbidden wishes.
Damned and divine.
Scars of my broken kisses.
What will follow if tomorrow's blind?
My eternal night.

As the wind takes me away from you
Before the morning light.
My sins are fading into view
I'm so weary deep inside

Feel the shadow of my oblivion
Hoping mercy would show her face
On the road to your own perdition
I may see you again.

Frozen in time yearning forbidden wishes.
Damned and divine.
Scars of my broken kisses.
What will follow if tomorrow's blind?
My eternal night.

Frozen in time yearning forbidden wishes.
Damned and divine.
Scars of my broken kisses.
What will follow if tomorrow's blind?
My eternal night.

Every single dawn I die... again.

120960  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-02-05
Written: (4039 days ago)
120400  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-01-14
Written: (4062 days ago)

I love my dad so much! Ok, story time! Saturday (1/10/2009) night, I come home from work. My computer had gotten the blue-screen of death. This is pretty usual for my computer at my mom's house. So, I figure, "Hey. No big. Just restart it." So, I go to restart it and it loads up fine...until the screen displayed the Windows XP logo (the loading Windows screen). At that point...it flashes a blue-screen, so quick that I can only catch the blue as an image shadow in my eyes when I close them. After it flashes that--it restarts. My thought: "Ummm. Shit." So, I freak because my computer has never been that fucked.

Long story short, I brought my computer to my father's house and let him work on it. For three days he worked on trying to figure out the issue. At first we though that the harddrive was fucked over and that I'd have to get a new one and lose EVERYTHING. Me: "Fuuuuuuuuuuck!" Well, he continued to work and ended up cracking the code to hack into my harddrive (after I locked even myself out). He found out that one of the main Windows' files was corrupted. He copied the one from his computer onto mine and upgraded the software and--BAM!--it works again!!! YAY!!!! ^-^ My dad is a genius. He could beat any computer issue's ASS!

120364  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2009-01-11
Written: (4064 days ago)

So, this coming semester should be very easy for me. :) I no longer have College Algebra, AP Bio, or Care and Prevention of Athletic Injuries.

1st Period: AP Literature
2nd Period: Intro to Business
3rd Period: AP US Politics and Government
4th Period: Business Law
5th Period: Civil and Criminal Law
6th Period: Teacher's Aide

You'd think I was going for a business or law major or minor, huh? XD Nope! 'Philosophy & Religion' is the name of my major; my minor will hopefully be 'Classical Studies.' :)

120156  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-01-01
Written: (4075 days ago)

New Year's Resolution:

Trust the people I love with more than my armor. Trust them with my heart and with my real thoughts. Also, be more honest and open with myself and others.

I do not want to bottle all the shit up anymore. I am going to try to be more up front and more honest with people about what's going on in my head. I want to trust my friends and loved ones to handle my heart and my mind--hopefully in a way that is not painful for me, but if it is, so be it.

I will no longer give infinite chances to people who wrong me either. Certain people are exempt from this because of the love I harbor for them--everyone else, do me wrong thrice over and I will cut you from my life.

 The logged in version 

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