[A.B.A.]'s diary

106930  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-10-15
Written: (5468 days ago)

like anyone cares, i just had to put this somewhere, i wrote a poem but elfpack deleted it somehow before i was able to add it to my house so fuck it

justine hasn't been online for over a month, i was doing ok but now my life has pretty much grinded to a halt

she was literally the reason i woke up every morning... and the reason i am alive today, she gave me some sort of goal, a reason to live, and as cliche' and emo as it is i don't think i can live without her...

i'm gonna be honest to whoever reads this and myself, i'm no charmer, i'm a geek and a loser but hey, thats who i am, i'm bipolar and suffer from aspuergers syndrome, a mild form of autism.

so i doubt il be finding any girls in the future, i'm 19 i dont even have a license and ive never even been kissed...

justine is like a rose in the desolate wasteland that is my life... and if she left me or something happened to her... my life is meaningless

i'm so old-fasioned.... i had it all planned, marriage and either i'd move to austrailia or she'd move to the US and maybe somewhere down the line we'd adopt a kid or 2, because i know there are plenty of kids who deserve loving parents

hell thats all fucked now... if i lose contact permanantly or for a long time... i'm not going to fake my life...

so i've come to this... if i can't get in touch with her by christmas... i've got a bottle of tylenol PM that says i won't see new years...

i'm sorry to anyone who knows me here or if by some chance any of you will miss me, and i don't want to sound emo, no i don't need your consolances, so don't feel obligated... i just want it on here why and when, so if i do go you wont all be wondering why i'm suddenly no longer online anymore

i wish i was strong but i am not, justine gave me just enough strength to survive, and with the month or so since she last contacted me, that little bit of strength has diminished... i can barely get up each morning, or evening because i cant sleep, my insomnia is killing me, and i find it hard to enjoy the things i used to find meaning in... even my sense of humor has died...

well, i applaud you if you managed to read this far... and i really honestly apologize... i hope she comes back but i know i can't live without her... i litterally hang my head in shame...

 The logged in version 

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