[Pandora♥xcore]'s diary

122571  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-05-19
Written: (4345 days ago)

It feels so good,
to have someone to open up to,
someone who isn't going to judge you,
Someone who actually knows what you're going through.

I guess I have two people to thank for this,
But of course,
the other one is,

My grandma "Nan,"
was more like my other mother,
or as she called it,
"We're more like sisters."

She's gone now,
died right in front of my eyes.

I feel so broken right now,
so lost,
so sick,
knowing I couldn't do anything to save her.

Never have I felt so alone,
knowing that,
afterall she probably was,
my best friend.

For so long,
I've gotten better,
I've made new friends,
done things to make my life better.

I was care-free,
loved life,
put my past behind me,
and smiled.

I lost the one person,
who was with me my whole life,
who helped me change my life,
who made me smile.

But she won't be here,
not for my wedding,
not for my baby,
not for the rest of my life.

I'm doing what I can to hold on,
to better myself,
to keep going,
to keep my head held high and smile.

It's what she would want,
my happiness,
my success,
my love to live.

It pains me to say,
I've honestly respected the fact that she's gone,
no suffering,
and no more pain.

In the end,
there's two people,
who mean everything,
who are my life.

I love my mom,
we're slowly getting those years back,
the years we never had,
years we've spent separated.

And I love him,
we're slowly making years,
years that we never had,
years that we've spent separated.

But I'm doing well,
a little better than I expected,
but nonetheless,
getting there.

Not today or tomorrow,
not next week or next month,
probably not this year,
but getting there.

I can't judge you
by the distance that you've traveled
no matter how small
the smallest steps only mark

the beginning.

117390  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-08-10
Written: (4627 days ago)

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