The following are pieces of writing I have wrote over time-newest at the top, oldest at the bottom-enjoy
~Shine dead star~
Beautiful stars, hiding.
Hiding behind the dark rain that falls from the clouds.
Darkness prevails tonight, like most nights before.
Fuck, for how much longer?
Hell, it’s because of you I’m broken.
It’s because of you I’m dead inside.
Who am I supposed to be?
I’ve been everything you ever wanted, but I will not be you.
I want you to hear what I have got to say.
I want you to look beyond your own eyes.
I want you to listen beyond your own ears.
My next request is a little bit more difficult.
I want you to hurt.
I want you to bleed.
And you will, because…
I’m taking back control with my knuckles.
I will split you wide open, just to see what you are made of.
There is no more sadness to be had, not on my part at least.
I know this seems unreal, but just have some faith and you will believe.
Sit back, out of my way, and watch the slow start, of a new beginning.
Never forget, the light always shines sooner or later.
When passion overcomes emotion, I will not back down.
I long to lay cold in the ground like you.
There's room inside for two.
I'm not grieving for you, no more.
You're not alone, no matter what they told you.
For I will be right beside you, forever, my love.
You showed me my life was worth something more.
Something that no one has ever done before.
Soon we will be together again.
Don't you remember, I promised you forever.
Life is so unfair, with all it's harsh realities.
We sit in our own fairytales, only then are we happy.
Happyness is a fairytale in itself, something read about in a childs book.
Then the mind is snapped back, seeing the darkness clearly.
The anger, the hate, love just a word.
Why is it we live this way?
Even our dreams are not safe, no where are we safe.
Is this why we wish for eternal slumber, for it is why I do.
O hail the day I seperate body and soul.
Will I see paradise, or will I be kicking stones down the road to hell?
On the darkest side of the sun will I realize the fate of my afterlife...
~Don't Let it Slip~
Why can’t you see that you are nobody? You will never achieve greatness. Just give in...Seconds from the pain, minutes from the end.
What are you going to do...what do you do? Let the sensation of sharpened steel
upon your skin be a grim reminder of your existence. Why is it that day by day
you sit quietly sulking in the stench of self pity? Letting the greatness of
life float by in all its glory. Don’t let it slip away, don’t lose it…Don’t do
it. Drop the blade and fall to my knees, watching my life pour from my neck,
slipping through my fingers.
Fallen angels at my feet
Death lies next to me, next in line I fear
He gets into my head
I take off my belt and tighten it around my neck
Life over so soon, not soon enough will this pain be over
Close my eyes, only God knows what lies ahead
Turn the light off, sleep forever
Time to wake up; another nightmare has consumed my thoughts
I see what I think, I believe what I see
Is this not enough to drive to madness?
Madness? Only one understands, and I do not wish to stand to understand
Push this memory to the back of my mind
Although there is not much room for it is full of memories past
Continue my day, not showing my internal pain on my fake shell that everyone else sees
One day, this shell will crack…one day you will no longer know me.
As i walk down the lonely icy road, i notice a house
so much decorations for Christmas, so much love that i can see through the window
so much i have not felt in so long, why have i died to everyone else?
what have i done to exile myself? has everyone really forgotten my very existence?
i urn for the touch of another, to be held and loved
is that really so much to ask for
my wishes will not be granted, my heart wounded forever
i am so cold, i am so numb, i am jaded
Fuck holidays, all they do is remind me of my uselessness
im at the breaking point, hurry for there is not much time left
im giving in, would anyone notice my body?
to die all alone, what a way to go
tomorrow, everyone will know
another suicide, a man with no name.
The longer I wait for you, the more my will to live leaves me...
Can you even comprehend my love for you? I don't think you can...
I'm so fed up with everyone around me, telling me to move on…
They just don't understand…
How can I move on when my heart won't let me?
This pain just keeps growing and growing.
I don't know how much more I can take…
This space in time keeps filling with love and pain.
Funny how the two go hand in hand…
Like the Earth needs the Sun and the Moon,
Like the night needs the stars,
Like the way I need you in my life.
All of these just seem so right together…
The wait is unbearable…
This weight I can't take…
I can't breathe without you.
I am broken without you…
I thought I was stronger than this…
I should be stronger than this…
I am…stronger than this…
It's time to breathe.
I will not let you be the death of me…
I will not shut off my life for you…
The space is getting smaller…
This change of heart will be best for all…
This pain will take a long time to heal, but it will heal…
So do what you do, it's all over…
When you come back…if you come back, you will not find me waiting anymore.
My heart has mended, it's full…
But not with love, not with hate, but with pity…
We could have had something special, but now I will just say goodbye…
~Control No One~
You tell me what to do.
You howl each order you give me.
You tell me where to go, and when to be somewhere.
You beat me every chance you get.
You look upon my pain with pleasure.
You've put a chain around my neck and pull me around like an unwanted dog.
You make me beg for a moments rest from the tasks I endure.
Every night I dream of what I would love to do to you.
I can't wait until we live in a wonderful world where you don't control me.
I can't wait until the Gods break these chains.
When my dreams of agony become reality.
It's my turn.
Look into my pain filled eyes, the fire burns strong.
Now you are on your knees begging, but you are not begging for rest,
You are begging for you life.
Run and scream, no one can save you know.
Oh God it feels so good to inflict pain unto you.
Evil consumes me, I am driven by hate.
With each passing blow, with each drop of blood from your face, I grow darker…
~Such a Cost for Freedom~
I sit in my dark room alone.
I feel it building in me.
I want to scream, but I dare not, for everyone will wake.
I don't want to be seen.
It's getting unbearable.
Hopefully a cigarette will help.
I go outside and light one and my lungs fill with smoke.
The skies are violent tonight, as the lightning flashes, and the thunder rolls.
I start to feel light headed, and a soft evil laugh escapes my mouth that I try to keep shut.
Oh God, please don't let this happen again….please no.
I wake up in my room the next morning, everyone has already left.
I fear the worst has happened last night.
I look upon my hands, covered in blood.
I wonder who was at my mercy this time.
I hope I left no traces.
I get into the shower and wash off the amazing amount of blood off my body.
Why does this have to happen to me?
I do not want to be the host to an evil spirit.
Please God, please forgive me.
I grasp the blade in my hand, the blade that has already caused so much chaos.
I sit and think for a moment.
Is this really my end?
I touch my neck with the blade, making a small cut across my throat.
Why does this pain feel good?
"This is enough! I am done being your pawn!"
….No note, no good byes…..I am free….
dear god, please help me for no one else will.
dear god, please stop me from getting behind the wheel, im too drunk and depressed to drive.
dear god, please make these painfull memories go away, they make this gun look real friendly.
dear god, please help me get over her, i love her so much, but i dont want to anymore.
dear god, please help me do good with my life, for i know that is all that my father wants for me.
dear god, please shine the light, for its too dark and i cant see.
dear god, please help...........god?
can you hear me? please dont leave me, i am so sorry that i left you, but now i have come back, i was lost, but i have found my way.
dear god, please accept me for who i am, everyone wants me to be something that i am not.
You see the darkness in front of you, no path to lead your way, but you walk into the dark wall wondering what it hides. It's as mysterious as the dark side of the moon, you know you shouldn't, but the curiosity is overwhelming. Knowing not what you will find, your heart pounds harder, you can hear it plain as day. As you pass from light to dark, you become invisible, no one to see, see no one. As you walk, you look down, knowing not what you tred on. You hear sounds, sounds no one has heard before. You feel a thrust of wind, as it almost knocks you down. Then the flapping of wings, you feel your heart stop mid beat as the beast roars and lets out a breath of fire that illuminates the darkness around you and you realize that your nightmares, my dreams, are among the reality. As the Dragon flies away, you hear a heart beat, but you know it is not yours for you can still feel your heart as hard as a Dragon's scale, frozen in your chest. You wonder what you hear is real or just your mind playing tricks on you. But let it be known, the heart beat is real. So tred softly, for you have strayed into…my heart.
~Demons of Me~
I sit and watch the sun rise....but all I see is dark,
im tired...but i dare not sleep...for the demons of my dreams will come for me,
I try to keep myself awake...it is so hard,
I can see them already...waiting for me...waiting for my eternal slumber,
I try to get up and walk...i cant feel my legs,
I push forward...draging myself...pulling to sanctuary,
Oh god....it is rite in front of me but so far away,
I have a feeling....i turn my head....my feelings serve me well for the demon is rite behind me,
I look in horror....as this thing of shadow picks me up off the ground,
Anger builds in me....i cannot lose....my fist tightens,
For no matter how strong....or evil your opponite is,
You must push pass your fears...because if they can fight...they can be beaten.
in the dark of the night
a most foul rumor is spread.
consumed by your fear.
overwhelmed by the dread!
your worst nightmares
come to life in your head.
Reaper Madness has come,
soon we'll all be dead!
~Kiss of Death~
her lips so full
so moist and ripe.
your every wish
so succulent and tender
she asks but for a kiss.
inviting you to sample
a treat you cant resist.
for all your hopes
and all your dreams
are waiting in her arms.
you go to her
and take her hand,
amazed by her charms.
she talks of love
and memories of the past.
but heed my word
dont take that kiss......
for it will be your last.
Death is the feeling of being alone
And the knowing that you are dieing of sorrow inside
For me, death is a way of life
You will never cheat or escape it
And I know some day i will be next so i will never be scared