You can't handle the truth!
1) All entries must be roughly related to 'You can't handle the truth!' in either syllables or rhyme. Preferably both!
2) Feel free to change other words in the sentence too! Again, just try to ensure it keeps the same rhythm of the original.
3) Nothing too offensive - slightly offensive can be funny, seriously offensive is not. Please keep it light-hearted.
4) There are only so many words that rhyme with 'truth'. Everyone is able to re-use words, but please don't copy others' work directly - it will not be funny.
5) PLEASE add a line or two before your twist on 'You cant handle the truth!'. Build up the tension, then hit us with your line. Extra points for the wackiest, most surreal situations! But if you cant think up a scenario your line would be used in, you can just post your line instead.
6) And finally.. make your punchline stand out slightly, either with CAPITAL LETTERS, <i>italics</i>
, <b>bold text</b>
, <u>an underline</u>
, [make it pink like this
], or something similar. no changing text size though - keep all text sizes uniform. and sign your work, damnit!
Got it? Let's go!
"vodka-martini for me please, barkeep"
"YOU CANT HANDLE VERMOUTH!
The thatcher was nervous. this was the third time he'd been called into the boss' office.
the boss was the first to speak. "mike, you're fired."
"YOU CANT DISMANTLE THE ROOF!
"mummy..", said the little girl, petting her newly-shod horse, "what's a person who puts shoes on horses called?"
"a farrier?", replied the mother
"yes! i want to be one of those when i grow up!"
"NO! YOU CANT HANDLE THE HOOF!
"Wilson... Wilson... WILLSOONN! I'm sorry Wilson. I'm sorry."
"Bawwwww that's so sad." ;~;
"Dude it's just a volleyball."
"What's wrong with you?! YOU CAN'T REMAIN ALOOF!
"Harry..", said Ron, "Please can I borrow your wand for my Transfiguration lesson later? I can't transform anything with my broken one.."
"Last time I lent you my wand, Ron, you almost broke it. This is a very special, powerful wand, and I can't afford to send it for repairs with Voldemort at large again."
"Aw, but please! I'll take good care of it!"
"YOU CANT HANDLE THE POOF!"
I just got a job as a detective down at the police station, something that I could really see myself doing for the rest of my life. So, naturally, I called up my buddy to share the great news.
"Hey Mark, guess what! I'm a detective now!"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SLEUTH!"
"What's this wiki on mainstuff... Goofy Elfpackers Elfpacking!?"
"No! Don't go there!"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE GOOF!"
"Welcome to Longhorn Steakhouse!"
"Thanks. There's just the two of us, and we'd like a booth--"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"