you see i m sleepless
+ i got school again n thats makin it worse i cnt stand bein awake over there
+ i m missin her
+ i got my cousin 2 n cant stnad seeing him like that cause hez the only person i still got
+ we are on about to get grades n that means extra pressure from my parents.... for sure even though they are gonna b good they never get satisfied....
PS... something happend at the chess club i m in n i am not really willin to talk about it but i have to deal with that 2
yea right lifez crap again
my cousinz really depressd
hez talkin bout life n how depressin it cn b n how pointless it is ... so i m just gonna try to help him
if i m down i guess thz is gonna b the reason
he just was there for me through everythin so i think that i have to do this at least for him.... or for the person he used to be
yea emptyness ..... n loadz bout it i dont know how actually to say this just needin sum space...
something came up agen....
dont ask why i just feel like me again.... i mean the really old me ;P
i dont have a clue why n it might b just for tomorrow so just enjoy.... its free (:
i m mad at billy.... everyone i know is mad at billy
n well i just dont see a reason to care anymore
i ll probably not be online anymore after next year starts
i guess i ll have to try to move on
(me movin on huh ?)
ermmm... i am not good at saying things like that i just know that things ll hardly ever be ok but things ll also just b perhaps not for me but for the people i care about ( they arent that many anymore )
i just think that the reason why i am writing all these down is coz i m billy n i just dont wanna b like that again cause being mad at your own self is the worse feelin u can have........ n if you doubt it try bein mad at your own self
i ve been like <blah -blah> all these time n been writin down whatever came up in my mind so if it dusnt make any sense i d like to apologise to those who ll try readin it n if it does i hope you just arent gonna feel the same thing
couldnt feel more loneliness ..............
greetings to all of you that used to say goodbye but just wont anymore....
new year=no billy
PS 2 ...
soz lizzie i hope u ll b fine without me
PS 3 i forgot to mention that i m gonna b in Athens frm 2nd till 9th january......
now i just see (tho its tooooooooooooo
so whoever read this remember therez always a way back
THERE IS JUST ONE THING I DOUBT
THEY SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHEN THAT PERSON IS GONE.... I DONT THINK SO
just wanna say something...
lifez never been the way it shuld be
noone ever said that life would be fair
i know that when its up to life,life hardly ever gives something which is gonna be taken away at any time just cause you missed the spot that well kinda happened to me but i m still here nw n thats what matters
i m fine
n yet i know that all u need to do is always carry on going the way you know you should thats the only thing helping cause it makes you feel better
the explanation for that is way 2 simple
you just know for yourself that even if you didnt make it you tried to n so you wont be regreting doing something like that
what i am tryin to say is something i m not sure about at all lol :)
i ll just try to move on like nothingz happened dunno if its like that :)
my lifez a mess but i dont care i m healthy n shez around :)))
i need to change my last week..... i have to do it somehow or jst forget that all this happened
i dont really wanna say this but i promised someone that i would if anything like that would happen
so well i just am sayin
that i fainted twice the past 2 days both times at home n in front of a book
wanted also to mention that i have to do something and once again i dont have a clue what that something is....
yea oh well
today it was a national celebration over here...
anyway we didnt have school or anything and my dad came over and i saw him after 4 weeks O.o
the bad part is that he has been injured and well his eye has a pretty bad wound + something is going on with me i just cant stand sitting with open eyes....
OK there we go...
what happend 2day?
The doctor told me that my back will probably not be ok.I have to be careful if i want it to be heald n not to be operated.There is a slight possibility that i will b fine just with time.Yet its just that i cn hardly ever sleep anymore even when i m layin on my bed it hurts n it does so way too much.
I am close to a decision but there are some things that prevent me from taking this decision
1st I m afraid
2nd I m alone
3rd i dont feel ready
4th I miss her :/
i m writing this things here just in case that something happens.....
i cnt fuckin lay back it makes me hurt more n more as if i have a sword there.... :( stupid back
missin her .... :S
i ll try not to say dunno agen
jst thought u all shuld know ... my bro is sick dunno what kinda illness ( actually how its calld in english) its got to do with his ears ... thats all
gtg tho i wanna write sumit over here i dont ave time for even that xxx
today has been a rough day n yesterday an even rougher
right nw i jst am sittin over here but considerin what i ve been through well its been a lot
a lot number 1 :Billy hasnt slept this saturday n he went a trip on sunday mornin to participate in a chess tournament at the teenager-team he leads.....
he was dizzy coz he hadnt actually eaten for like 12 hours ....
A lot number 2:tho none of ya knew billy hasnt been home the past days n well he missd his dad homecomin coz by the time he was back (billy) his dad had jst left....
A lot number 3: 2day he went to school tho he was felin sick n like crap but noone seemd to care in the beggin they jst thought it was coz i didnt sleep well or something like that but most of my friends were checkin on me all the time as if i am sick or mad n that was pissinme off n i tried to tell em but none of em wantd 2 listen so now i m over ere i m depressd n i m missin her
A lot number 4:Yesterday i was playin agenist the guy i hate most (frm the chess players its jst the way he exists :P) anyway i won n we won by a score of 5-1 the only person that lost was the teenage girl of the team about who i ve already written on here (yea that story the tough part was that i was supposd to calm her down...)anyway its jst been a lot in thz dayz n now i jst am lost n tird n its jst really weird
i wanna jst sleep into her hands
Guess what... i m off
well as i ve always been i guess n i hope i m wrong this time but something happend 2 someone i really care about
its probably my fault but i dont actually know wtf it is
so i dont wanna hurt the rest the same way so i just leave
hope you all dont mind...
Yea yea things are agen going on like crap..........
2day i started school again n tomorrow i will get my books.... so i got a surprise in the mornin though.... it was a huge one actually
Billy goes to school with his cousin n his best friend.... n while walkin suddenly notices that the same girl that has been there for him has switched school and will be in his class from now and....
lifez kept on being a bitch
the thing bout my foot well yea my foot is crackd...
and well i m here once agen tird n really scared
guess what billy has been playing chess today all day long he was the leader in a 4 member team and the team went well *got second place out of 21 participants :P* n well i was playin as the best player next to me was the second one *livin here 2 n well i dunno i jst have seen HER (yea its her) for a long time.... n i dunno what happend and she was behavin in a weird way.... *well after 4 games we went 2 eat n well she asked me 2 be just us cause she would ask me something ... i said ok but well it was more like a date i didnt want it to be though :S n well then she thought that we would go out together :/ but well its jst the way life is and i dont know what to do anymore then well while leavin (i was with her n her lil sister in her father's car with her father in...) she askd when we ll date again n i was like O.o n i said i dunno i got a lot of classes *couldnt stand sayin the truth at this time coz well she was there for me i couldnt say it for her the same day that she helpd me that much
*guess what i m startin to think of fillin it up lol its probably coz i write a lot over ere :P*
Yea lifez being a bitch once again one thing just leadz to another.....
yesterday i went with some friends and played some football i cn barely walk now tho :/
i got my brain down cause i ve been in classes the past 10 hours n well things cn always get worse i jst dont hope they wont anymore :S
I just wanna ppl 2 know that if they dont hear from me again i will have passd out