Today I envey the grey rabbit more then ever, it's life is beinging to appear much more easy compared to mine and I envey it so much, and now I wonder. Did it ever fall in love? Can it fall in love and if so did it ever have it's heart broke? I have only witnessed heart ache once before in my life and I thought I was dieing today I witness it for a second time and I wish it would kill me. I was I was the one with my bones broken and my insides trailing out.

on my way home today along the country road i saw a dead rabbit. its bones had been broken, and its guts were trailing.

and as i stood there, thinking about where the bones stood out from the skin, i realised something...
i envied it.

the fact that it was dead of course, and the fact that whatever fears it had whilst alive were gone. it had probably fulfilled its purpose in life, and i envied that too (even though that purpose was to reproduce.) at least its purpose was simple.

mine however... couldnt be more complicated.
i help my friends with their issues, whether it involves me or not. in fact most of the time i AM the issue, whther they love me too much or hate me too much...
and it SICKENS me.
im not worth hating, and im not worth loving, i just want a simple, complication free purpose.
just like the little grey rabbit.

I feel really bad today, I miss Mike with all my heart and it sceams like I havn't spoken to him in years and I'm unable to stop thinking about him. I really miss him and I just want to talk to him and make sure he's ok and that we are still talking.

There you were with you perfect way,
With that little shine in your eyes,
To hear one word would make my day,
But theres no room for me in you life,
You got me down on my knees,
And in my mind i can see,
How perfect everything could be,
But you wont give us a try,
But if I could change your mind how would you want me,
Would you say you need me,
Cos i need you now,
I try to move on,
But your perfect way has got this little child asking why,
But this world keeps spining,
As my heart stops the beat,
Is there still no room inside,
You got me down on my knees,
And in my mind I can see,
How perfect everything could be,
But you won't give us a try,
But if I could change your mind.
How would you want me,
Would you say you need me,
Cos I need you now,
If I could change your mind,
But if I could change your mind.
How would you want me,
Would you say you need me,
Cos I need you now,
If I could change your mind,
How would you hold me,
Would you say forever,
Or just leave me here to drown,
Onnly if i could change your mind,

fuck my life i just cant sceem to do anything right no matter how hard i try
im sorry

*sighs* i been in spain for almost a week now and i hate it soo much i miss my friends and someone that i wouldnt class to be my friend i hope they know what i mean if they ever read this oh well only 1 more week of total hell im gunna go jump off a tall building now cya

i have just been told that i have to go to spain for 2 weeks to stay with my grandad :( i really dont want to go cos i already know im gunna miss all my friends and the other misfit *sighs* ahwell maybe i can drown in the sea or maybe the swimming pool

to day is a very bad day for me because unfortchunatly my nan has died
may she rest in peace