A Break
I will be gone from the 29th of July till the 7th of Augest. I doubt I will get on much in that time.
Phone Problems
My phone service is currently not working, for what reason I don't know. I should have this fixed by tommorow, but until then, I have no internet service at my house. So if I am on for a short time it is most likely because I am at the library in my town. So when every my phone service is working again, I will have my internet back up.
Love you All Lots!
[shardae le fae]
Sacrificial Religion
Sacrificial Religion
I’d look to the light,
But it’s tearing me apart,
Luminous rays cut my skin,
But only the eyes of the forgotten
Can see these wounds that bleed so perfectly,
They gather around and say they relate,
But the light turned them away
And chose me as it’s sacrifice,
So as I wish that by turning way,
that it’ll only go away,
I become lost in the bleeding,
And I know the shame
Of being sacrificed for a belief
That was never my own.
AJ and My Poetic Ability
Well here are two poems about Aj.
1. Untitled
Her emotions
for him, did not
meet the line of the pages,
she knew it was not love, not
this time, he was different, so was
she, nothing was the same, but the past,
so now she wishes she could turn back time
even for just an hour, to be held again by him in
the comfort of his arms, now she knows she would
feel alien within the arms of the one she once loved.
2. Untiltled
She drowned her feelings
for him
in the Nile on the other side
of the world.
She turned her back
and walked her way
back home.
She nearly forgot
all her memories of him.
She forgot one
realization to this world,
reincarnation.
so her feeling for him
crept back up
into her heart and soul,
but she knew
he would never feel
the same way about her
again.
for his emotions
died and
would stay that way.
Tell me what you think!
My Horrible, Fucking Birthday
My birthday has hardly started. I've been fifteen for seven hours and four minutes. It's only a day though, I guess. My whole birthday party and birthday was ruined. I had only two people come to it. One stay the night.
Then my lovely step-father leaves with the only phone we have for long distance. And comes home after possibly cheating on my mom and gets into this huge argument with her. And then apologizes for making me hear my mom's "problems with him" being yelled out between the two.
God.
Insomnia, My Mind, and Something Else.
This entry will be on a lighter subject.
First of all, a check up on my life. Yesterday, Alex and I settled our problems. One of my problems he said I had was taking things too seriously and needing to lighten up!
Well great news for him! Insomnia is making me take things with no seriousness at all!
Second off! *DANCES*
Third of all! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU!? I'm great!
Hmm I also have came to the relasation that this entry is worthless! Oh well....
*Dances until I fall over*
I'll be fine down here!
*LMFAO!*
Day One
Help! Back hurts! I hurt!
Innocent
Micheal Jackson is innocent. Completely. Don't argue it.
Put Name of Entry Here
I hate myself. I am so fucking stupid. I bitch and complain all the damn time. I don't understand love in friendship, only love in lovers. I just fucking hate myself. I can't even keep myself from thinking of cutting. I can't do it! Not for 20 good minutes. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! ALEX DOESN'T GIVE ME ENOUGH ATTENTION AND AFFECTION! AND JAKE WOULD LOVE TO GIVE IT TO ME, BUT HE HAS DEIDRE! MY GOD!!! AND I HAVE ALEX!!! GOD, WHY!!!
I mean my god I frigging record down all my urges to cut.
Here's just within the last 24 hours:
Monday, June 13, 2005, 9:54 pm, no action.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 2:17 am, no action.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 2:25 am, no action.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 2:38 am, no action.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 2:58 am, no action.
GOD I'M SUCH A LOSER FREAK!
Him
Well let's say, I am depressed, although I shouldn't be because my birthday is Saturday. Yet, that's why I'm depressed. You see Alex, my boyfriend, has no clue how to buy me something nice. Of course not, even though he has three jobs, one which pays him $20 an hour. It's not like I ask for much. I don't ask for affection anymore, I don't ask for anything anymore, but maybe 10 minutes on the phone. And then I say "Are you going to get me anything for my birthday?" And he says "I'll paint you something." And I'm like "I don't get even a nice piece of jewerly with that?" And he says "I buy crappy $8 pieces of jewerly." God that would be a dream. I am obvously a piece of crap! I'M NOT EVEN WORTH A NICE RING OR NECKLACE OR SOMETHING! Or even a card. Come on.
Love
When love hurts, what's the point of loving any longer? But when you can't stop loving, what's the point of living? But when you can't take your own life, what's the point of staying awake? If you can't sleep, what's the point of being anything?
When you love four people, and only can love one, why did you choose the one you chose? When the one you love and are with tell you to shut up, do you try to stop loving him? If you can't stop loving him, do you stay with him? If you have to stay with him, are you stuck and under the rule of a man?
Preferences
So let us call my friend Billy. Well Billy recently told me he was bi and now he has a boyfriend. I supported him. But as soon as he tells me he has a boyfriend, he tells me he's straight. Straight. Why do I feel cheated? BECAUSE HE HAD ME SUPPORTING HIM, and now he's straight.
Teenage Death Boys, Teenage Death Girls
Let me put it this way: I am fed up. I understand that Elfpack is supposed to be for people who got kicked off Elftown, or for people who just didn't like the rules. Yet, you would think we would have respectable people here, even if you got kicked off Elftown, but when I look on the "Last Logins" I see people like [Moloogan] and so on. ([Moloogan] sorry for bringing you up, maybe this will get you more friends.) Naturally, from being a ex-cyberer myself, I assume they cyber. This is plain stupid, if you want to advertise yourself that way, do it on your house.
I have parents that like to check up on me. I don't want them going "who's that?" When it's some sicko.
Note: I am also tired of seeing innocent child things, like cereal and candy, turned into advertisements for drugs. COME ON GET A LIFE.
Help
Everyone.
I am looking for help! I want to start a wiki for recovering cutters, rape victims, recovering drug addicts, recovering drinkers.
I need people who are strong enough to help guide people in all these areas.
Let's admire the Pattern Falling
This week hasn't been going very well at all. So maybe you'll admire the pattern falling or you'll be appauled by the whole thing. I think it will be the second case.
Brian is my ex-boyfriend, who knocked me up, and then got thrown in jail for satutory rape (aka knocking me up). This week I ended up realizing I had missed his court date. Then I get his mail from his attourny on accident. After that I decided to sleep my sorrows away, but ended up dreaming of him pleading to me.
What could've I done. I walked away in the dream. And he got into his car and I fell to the ground crying. He came up to me, only to stutter a few words. Then my dad called me over to talk to him and Brian went to his truck and I watched him drive away. Then I woke up. A complete wreck.
Earlier today. I went to sleep around 7. I ended up dreaming about being brutally raped. I was told not to tell. And then the man threatened to put acid on my two, most beloved, brothers, Dakota James and Dakota James (they come from two seperate mothers, one's my mom's child, the other is my step mother's lucky to be here child) and kill them. I almost woke up crying. Instead I woke up sicker than I think I've been for a long time. I had a stomach acke, head acke. I was in a cold sweat. I wanted to scream, but couldn't.
The final quetion is:
Do you admire the pattern falling?
God Is In The TV
[~~an update on my life~~or a random rant~~]
So my birthday is June the 18th. I expect presents from ALL my friends. Even if it's a piece of computer art. I'll 15, so there will also be a change in my house because of it. If you are over 18, I won't except any emails from you, same if you are under 15, and weren't my friend before.
So now...what else? Yes, I know. July the 31st I am going to Ozzfest, this will be my first rock consert, Goddess Help me.
I will be going to Georgia and Tennessee this summer. For a weekend each this month.
I am going to hang out with my friends tonight, so most likely I won't be on.
Oh yes, every one should check out http://missmab
Proceeding....
So I guess that wraps up this udate on my life.
Plastic Surgery Man
Okay I've come up with an interesting comment. Micheal Jackson is looking scarrier and scarrier by the days. This to me is fucking terrifying.
Imaturity
I have came to the conclusion that alot of people on here are very immature. Flaunting their breasts, offering cyber sex to people, and trying to make a controversy out of everything. First of all: I am bi, but I don't want to see your breasts, if I wanted to see breasts that weren't saggy (even though you may only be 21) I would go to a porn sight. Second of all: If I wanted sex, I would simply go to my boyfriend or a concubine. Third of all: is there any good reason for controversy? No.
So in conclusion..pe