[¤ WORLDS ¤happiest¤ EMO ¤™]'s diary

43847  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-11-28
Written: (6695 days ago)

Yes, I do still miss Mark very much but I have a new boyfriend named Dan Brown
Just an update for people who care

43694  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-11-27
Written: (6696 days ago)

I'll Be Sure
[To Carve]
Your Name
[On The Bullet]
So You
[Will Be]
The Last Thing
[That Goes Through]
My Mind
[When I Shoot]
The Gun.



ICONS FOR THE DAY
<img:http://fs6.deviantart.com/i/2005/082/6/9/Once_by_crazygrlurway.jpg>
+
SONG OF THE DAY
Thank you for the venom by My Checmical Romance
+
SAYING OF THE DAY
"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists..."
43570  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-26
Written: (6697 days ago)

TO ALL MY FRIENDS
I'm sorry but I'm not my perky happy self today... I apologize for any depression or "Emoness" I may show...

ICON FOR TODAY
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_irishlover_nevergoodenough.gif>
+
SONG OF THE DAY
Thank you for the venom by My Checmical Romance
+
SAYING OF THE DAY
"Give me all your poison
and give me all your pills..."
43504  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-26
Written: (6698 days ago)

new friends today! A LOT OF THEM!

[Ein Führer] -a cool sweet guy who doesn't give a shit! \m/
[Goodbye EP] -pretty and dramatic pictures! I likey!
[mfdspanky] -My Texas cutie!!! ^_^
[♫ Jeni-Bugggg ♫] -GREEN DAY LOVERS UNITE! hehe
[Amour] -She's soooo pretty! We are Halo pwners! haha
[cpt.jack sparrow24] -Cool guy, cute name!

43496  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-26
Written: (6698 days ago)

[ ROSES ] ARE DEAD
VIOLETS ARE TOO
I [ LOVE ] YOU BUT I'M
SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN TRUST YOU
YOU SAY
YOU [ LOVE ] ME
BUT IS IT REALLY TRUE
I'M NOT SAYING I HATE YOU
OR THAT I
DON'T [ LIKE ] YOU
IT'S JUST THAT I
[ LOVE ] YOU
MY [ LOVE ] FOR YOU
MEANS MORE THAN ANYTHING
IN THE WORLD
I [ LOVE ] YOU MORE THAN
MY FAMILY
YOU'RE THE ONE I'D [ DIE ] FOR
YOU'RE THE ONE I'D [ KILL ] FOR
YOU'RE MY WHOLE REASON FOR LIVING
YOU'RE THE ONE I [ LOVE ]
YOU'RE MY ONE AND
ONLY

43477  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-26
Written: (6698 days ago)

This poem made me cry... I nabbed it from [fluffly suicidle bunny of doom]'s house

A boy and a girl
The best of [ friends ]
From elementary to high school
From beginning to end


Through all these years
Their [ friendship ] grew
They both felt the same
But neither knew


Each waking moment
Since the day that they [ met ]
They both [ loved ] each other
Sunrise to sunset


He was all she had
In her terrible life
He was the one
Who kept her from her [ knife ]


She was his angel
She made him [ smile ]
Though life threw him curves
She made it worth all the while


Then one day
Things went terribly wrong
The next few weeks
Were like a very [ sad ] song


He made her jealous
On purpose he tried
When the girl asked "do you love her?"
On purpose he [ lied ]


He played with jealousy
Like it was a game
Little did he know
Things would [ never ] be the same


His plan was working
But he had no clue
How wrong things would go
The [ damage ] he would do


One night she broke down
Feeling very [ alone ]
Just her and the blade
No one else home


She dialed his number
He answered "hello"
She told him she [ loved ] him
Then hung up the phone


He raced to her house
But came a minute too late
Found her lying in [ blood ]
And her heart had no rate


Beside her was a note
And in it her [ confession ]
Her [ love ] for this boy
Her only obsession


As he read the note
He knelt down and [ cried ]
Grabbed her knife
And that night they both [ died ]


She was found in his arms
Both of them [ dead ]
Under her note
His handwriting said


"I [ loved ] her so
She never knew
All this time
I [ loved ] her too"

43385  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-11-25
Written: (6699 days ago)

BAD ASS GREEN DAY SONG THAT HAS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR FUCKIN EVER!!!!!

Minority
.
I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority
.
I pledge allegiance to the underworld
One nation under dog
There of which I stand alone
A face in the crowd
Unsung, against the mold
Without a doubt
Singled out
The only way I know
.
I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority
.
Stepped out of the line
Like a sheep runs from the herd
Marching out of time
To my own beat now
The only way I know
.
One light, one mind
Flashing
in the dark
[ Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts ]
"For crying out loud" she screamed unto me
A free for all
Fuck
'em all
You are your own sight
.
I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority
43381  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-11-25
Written: (6699 days ago)

This is the guy to find!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
Who calls you back when you hang up on him,
Who'll lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
Who keeps your picture in his wallet,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats,
Who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Who thinks you're just as pretty without make-up...
The one who's constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you...
The one who turns to his friends and says, *That's her*

43341  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-11-24
Written: (6699 days ago)

Yeah, wonderful thanksgiving so far. I went to bed late last night and started crying. I had found the homecoming picture of Mark and I. Why do I miss him so much? It's over ,I know it is but I can't get him out of my head. It's not fair. I don't know what else to do. And again I ask you, as well as him, where do I go from here?


ICONS FOR TODAY
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_drkheavn1366_th_4176307.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_mzkayla68_tellmeyilostu.gif>
+
SONG OF THE DAY
98 degrees' My Everything
+
SAYING OF THE DAY
"I'll keep you my dirty little secrets,
don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret"
43254  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-23
Written: (6700 days ago)

okay, no more. I have lost faith. There is no such thing as love for me anymore. This guy asked me out and I said no. Not becauseI didnt like him but because he didnt match up to Mark. I can't believe I let myself get so attached to someone. I fucked myself over big time. And now where do I go from here?


ICONS FOR TODAY
<img:http://new.mytheme.com/newmsn/icon/345827-110556197428744.gif>
+
SONG OF THE DAY
Simple Plan's Untitled
+
SAYING OF THE DAY
"I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."
43197  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-23
Written: (6701 days ago)

yes yes yes I have changed my name on here... It's one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite Green Day songs, Minority! Likes it everyone??

42940  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-11-20
Written: (6703 days ago)

Well my birthday just passed last monday and I am now LEGAL! XD XD XD
yes thats right I'm 16! I am so happy, I gots my ears peirced and a new look for my room and a new hair do! w00t-tang mothafucka! HAHA

41579  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-09
Written: (6715 days ago)

This is too hard... how can I keep this up? I can't pretend I don't love Mark, but I kind of have to... I can't walk past him at school without having to run to the bathroom and cry. I was late for 2 classes today because I was crying and couldnt go... This hurts too much. I love him, I'll admit it. I think this is the worst feeling, is when you love someone and know they don't love you, and the reason they don't is because you fucked up. I don't want this feeling. It is too much. But I'm not doing anything stupid. All my buds on here know so I feel safe saying that I am getting a "doctor" ((as my mum puts it)) so I can stop the cutting. I haven't since that one day last week and I am working on a more constructive outlet. I hope this will show Mark that I love him and I will do or stop doing anything for him. I can't see myself going out with anyone else right now or for a long while. I just want him... simple as that...

</3




ICONS FOR TODAY!
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_hisevilroyalty66____________ifuckingmissyou.jpg> <img:http://tinypic.com/8znp6v>
+
SONG OF THE DAY
Simple Plan's Untitled
+
SAYING OF THE DAY
"I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."
41232  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-11-06
Written: (6717 days ago)

Well, I guess if Mark won't give me another chance as a girl friend... I'll just have to be his friend. We have said it would be cool if we were friends and I promised that I wouldn't try anything funny. It's going to be hard once he gets a new girl... It's going to hurt everytime I see him with her, but I have to accept that he is happy and that's all I ever wanted for him. I know there is a very VERY slim chance that me and him would ever go out again but maybe I could prove that I can change and that what I did is over...But I'm not going to force or pressure him... I'll just hope he gives out second chances once he sees changes... but like I said, no matter what, I still love him. My mom asked me who my next b/f is going to be and I told her point blank, I don't want to go out with anyone else, and when she asked why, I said "Because, after Mark, no one will match up. I don't want to be with another ass hole who wants sex... I want someone... like Mark. But there is only one of him, and that is himself. I am not giving up."

And I just got informed last night at like midnight, that I now work on sundays, which sucks. Sundays are recovery day! LoL no I'm just messin, I dont drink anymore, but still....SUNDAYS? My rents are doing real bad with money problems that they have to open on sundays and bring me in to work for free...guess what... I don't do free! LoL

I'm actually real hyper today and after work I am so going over to Dan's house. I got him addicted to Tony Hawk Under Ground 2! SHWEET! ^_^

ICONS FOR TODAY!
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_devilsnightmare_sorry%20I%20need%20you.gif><img:http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y285/lilsweetangel000001/48217cc9.gif><img:http://tinypic.com/dynl9k.jpg"%20alt="Image%20hosted%20by%20TinyPic.com">
+
SONG OF THE DAY
Grand theift autumn  by: Fall Out Boy
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SAYING OF THE DAY
"Stab my back it's better when I bleed for you..."
41113  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-05
Written: (6718 days ago)

<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_xxdeathwishesxx_dontcare.gif>



...:::you know who you are:::...
...:::and:::...
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_hisevilroyalty66____________ifuckingmissyou.jpg>
41084  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-05
Written: (6719 days ago)

I have made a new wiki in light of recent events
hopeless romantics
it seems to fit me at the moment...
T_T

song for the day:::::::

Stab My Back
~All American Rejects~

.
Now we’re broken on the floor
She just wants me to share her
It hasn’t been this way before
She just wants me to dare her
.
The phone rings
And she screams
Stab my back
It’s better when I bleed for you
Walk on me
It never was enough to do
.
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It hasn’t done a lot for you
.
And every time he held you close
Yeah, were you thinking of me
When I needed you the most
Well I hope that you’re happy
.
The phone rings
And she screams
Stab my back
It’s better when I bleed for you
Walk on me
It never was enough to do
.
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It’s better when I bleed for you
.
I hope that love he gave you
Was just enough to save you
You nearly broke my heart
Just look at what you’re tearing apart
.
Stab my back
It’s better when I bleed for you
Walk on me
It never was enough to do
.
I can't get past her
Falling faster
It's true
It hasn’t done a lot for you
.
It’s better when I bleed for you
It never was enough to do
It hasn’t done a lot for you...
41040  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-11-04
Written: (6719 days ago)

He left... Mark's gone and I can't fix it... I still love him... But he left. T_T

<img:http://elfpack.com/img/photo/13849_1131136136.gif>
<img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_1stsong4urmixtap_Forever.gif><img: http://images.msndollz.com/gallery/Sayings/msndollzu_1138816244.jpg><img:http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y202/-x-hannah-x-/unrequited%20dream/pain.gif><img:http://tinypic.com/e6q044.gif><img:http://avatarhell.com/a/avatarhell_mzkayla68_tellmeyilostu.gif><img:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v331/lilnie4life/avatarhell_lil_baby_bethy21_lied.gif>

I don't care what happens, Mark--<img:http://images3.deviantart.com/i/2004/09/9/0/I______You.gif>

41030  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-11-04
Written: (6719 days ago)

I dont know what to do about this. Me and Mark are really distant lately. He has been avoiding me in school it seems like and he never talks to me longer than like 2 minutes. He nevers calls and when I call him to see if he wants to hang out, he is either hanging out with other people or not wanting to talk at all. How am I supposed to see whats wrong and how to fix it if he doesnt talk to me. It is scaring me...it seems like he doesnt want to go out with me anymore...that is the last thing I want him to feel but he doesnt seem to want to share his feelings. Please Gods don't let that be how he feels.
T_T

40473  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-10-30
Written: (6725 days ago)

Well the swim meet went well! I came in 5th out of 6th which isnt excellent but its my best time in that event. I went to Curtis' veiwing and funeral. It was so hard to get through. I'm so worried about Mark though. He was closer to Curtis than I was and he is taking it hard. I actually heard him crying, I have NEVER heard, seen, or heard of him ever crying. I broke down when I heard him crying over the phone. I hung up and just starting bawling. My bud Dan had to comfort me, I was shaking so hard. Mark says not to worry about him, that he's not important enough to worry about or whatever. But guess what Mark, I love you and I do worry about you. If I didn't than what would that say about this relationship? I am very worried about you and I dont want either of us to do anything...Stupid. Please call me as soon as you can... I really want to see you baby!
[ **kiss** ]

40069  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-10-27
Written: (6728 days ago)

Today was a hard day to get through. Me and my b/f, Mark, weer very upset over the whole Curtis thing today and we were both crying ((Shhhh...he probably doesn't want people to know he does that)) and we were comforting eachother over it and... yeah it was just hard. I still hate that people actually made fun of him for wearing a helmet and I know this all could have been provented if he had been wearing one.
I am so stressed, sore, deppressed, worried about Mark, and upset.
I have a swim meet tomorrow (( -_-* )) I am swimming 200 IM and I am dedicating the swim to Curtis!
I WILL SWIM EXTRA HARD FOR YOU, CURTIS!!

39926  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-10-26
Written: (6729 days ago)

For those of you who have known me for a while, you will remember Jeff Kuhn, my friend who died in a car crach last year. Well I am sad to report that I am going through it again, not even a whole year later.

R.I.P. CURTIS PYTELL

He was riding his bike to school and got hit by a car. If he was wearing a helmet it could have saved him but people made fun of him, so he stopped wearing a helmet. I told him once to forget what other people say but he refused to wear a helmet all the same. Now he has passed away, and he could still be here if shallow bastards would have never made fun of him for being smarter than them and wore the proper protective gear. I hope they feel like shit for what they did and I fully blame them!
T_T
T_T

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