[psychoflea]'s diary
I'm going to give it a all out attack. If it don't work, then i give up and i will move on.
Time to start making a Plain.
If i could,
go back in time;
I would.
If i could,
Take back what i said,
I would.
If i was more observant,
and saw that you where hurting.
I would make you pleased.
If i could,
read your mind,
I would.
If there was a chance to get you back,
I would take it.
Holy cow! I hurt. I'm sore. I feel so spazed out right now. Feels like all the energy from my body is trying to exscape on its own free will. It feel as though my Ora is going in and out of my body extreamly fast. My body acs from it. I haven't got much sleep. Every time i lay my head down. I start to dream about my Goddess and how i fucked up. I don't know what i was thinking. It sucks that it happend. But Hopfully God will help me. I think he will. He has before and I think he will do it again. He brought me her, and he took her away. What i ask is that he bring her back.
Man, I can't get you out of my mind. You stole my Heart, and i don't want it back. I want you back.
Have you ever felt like crying but couldn't because you cryed to much or you hurt so much that you couldn't. My blood feels as though it is on fire and i don't like this bad burning in my body. I want to feel love again. Not the feelings i'm feeling right now.
God will help me.
My Friend Nikki Birdwell came over today. She was the first good news in a long time. I had a crush on her in 6th grade and had one for a while until I feel in love with heather. No, I don't feel the same as i did before. It made me think. Here in front of me was one of my old crushes that i use to be inflatuated with, now i feel nothing. When i saw her i was excited because i hadn't seen her in a few years and i hadn't talked to her in almost a year. And I was shocked to find out that she was fuck buddies with Paul that i thought was going out with Robin... only to find out that they broke up in november. I wasn't jelous, I was more shocked that Paul and Robin broke up more than they were fucking.
Makes me think, Will I ever Love someone else or did I give every last drop of love to heather that i could of. There might be some in me that will grow, but my heart is not near as big as it was before.
I'm really hopeing that God will help me to get back heather. If not, I'm hoping that we will be friends and I can try to grow on that. Try to give me another chance.
oh man, My body. Oh man, My Soul. Oh man, My Heart. They are all so black and blue.
So Heather and I Broke up. We are no longer together after 2 years. Some of you out there know how i feel. I have talked to my parents and they have made me feel better. I think maybe we do need some time apart. It hurts but maybe we aren't ready for that close of a relationship. Hopefully down the road we can try again. She needs to concentrate on her school work and her family and friends as do I. But for right now, I think i'm just going to date. I don't want a relationship. There are a few people that are eyeballing me and I'll start talking to them. Maybe have some fun on the side. I'm a Marine; I can get chicks like its a game that i'm a master at....haha who the fuck am i fooling. Ayh, oh well. I'll do what i feel like it. Well if you are reading this heather, I'm sorry again. I'll talk to you in a few months. You said that we could still be friends. Lets really try on that.
I love you guys. Peace out!
It seems that I have to go to grims even when i don't have to because someone says its ok if i don't then gets mad at me when i don't.
It also seems when people are mad at me... they don't want to talk it out.
What is really bad is that i'm really thinking about doing something dumb and hurtful... Man, its going to be crappy.
I will be home on the 30th of JUNE! sweet!
When halo 2 comes out, I will not be seen by most people for about 3 days to a week!
I want to be left alone so that i may play this game!!
"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock."
