Questionable Jokes
Submit your jokes that you are slightly unsure of below the divider. If you are more than 25% sure that your joke is too sexually explicit, don't even bother to post it up.
Some of the jokes inappropriate for Mainstuff have been moved to Questionable Jokes - Refused. Comparison with the jokes there should give you an idea of what we won't feature
[
stoom916]
Q: have you ever seen an elephant hide behind a flower?
A: that's coz it hides very well.
(In the garden of Eden)
Q: why did the elephant hide behind the flower?
A: because he ate the forbidden fruit.
[
Wendy]
A blonde goes to the doctor and the doctor asks what's wrong. The blonde pulls up her shirt a bit revealing a very swollen, bruised, and bloodied belly button. The doctor is horrified. "What happened!?", he asks her. The blonde looks down sadly and replies, "Well...My boyfriend is blond, too..."
Q: What do you call a lesbian with large fingers?
A: Well-endowed!
[
Nevan]
Politicians have now decided that certain words are to offences for today’s young generations. They have now been given new, politically correct descriptions.
Excessive body fat is now described as – An emergency reserve for a disaster situation
Penis is now – A delicate multifunctiona
l device
[eyelinertears]
How do you know when your really ugly?
when a dog is humping your leg with its eyes closed
[The Patient]
Every Sunday this black preacher rides his bike to church. On the way, he always passes this white preacher’s house. After church, the white and black preachers discuss their sermons.
The next Sunday the white preacher sees the black preacher walking to church and stops him, saying, “Hey Brother, where’s your bike? It was really nice…” and the black preacher says, “I don’t know. It was stolen or something.” So the white preacher suggests, “Why don’t you do a sermon about the Ten Commandments, and the ‘Thou shall not steal’ part. Someone will get guilty and return it.” The black preacher agrees with the idea, and continues on to church.
When the preacher returns after church that day, the white preacher says, “Hey! So the sermon worked?” and the black preacher says, “Nah… I got down to the part about adultery and remembered where I left my bike.”
[The Patient]
Back in the late 1800’s a man owned a whore house. One day, one of his whore’s was missing and a regular always came to see her particularly. So the owner decides to substitute the prostitute with a blow-up sex doll thinking, “The man is retarded anyway, he won’t know the difference.”
So when the regular comes in and goes in the room with the doll, he later comes out looking all embarrassed, and he tells the owner, “I think your whore is a witch or something.” The owner asks why, and the man says, “Well, I bit her nipple and she farted and flew out the window.”
[Chainer]
A penguin brings his car to the garage, saying to the mechanic "There's something wrong with the engine, but I don't know what." The mechanic takes the care, telling the penguin to come back a little later.
A little while later, the beguin comes back, licking a vanilla ice cream cone. He asks the mecanic what the problem was, and the mcanic says "You blew a seal."
The penguin wipes at his upper lip and says "No, that's just ice cream on my lips."
[Richardd.]
A hippy gets on a bus and sees a nun. He asks if he can have sex with her but she says no because her body is owned by God and she is waiting for the right person. When the hippy gets off the bus the bus driver says "I know how you can have sex with the nun. Everynight she goes out to the cemetery and prays to God. You need to dress up as God and ask her."
So that night the hippy goes to the cemetery dressed as God and tells the nun to shag her. The nun says "Okay, but it has to be anal because its my time of the month. After they have had sex, the hippy takes off the mask and shouts "HAHA, I'm the hippy!" and the nun takes off her mask and says "Haha, I'm the bus driver!".
[kiljaeden]
What's black, white, red, and can't turn around in a hallway?
A nun with a javelin through her head.
[lonely one]
A friend gave this one to me,
8 Qualities of a Perfect Boyfirend
Brave
Intelligent
Gentle
Polite
Industrious
Nonalcoholic
Self-organized
in short- B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.
A teenage girl asks her mom, "is it true babies come out where boys put their penis?" Her mom said yes, the girl psuses and asked "wont that break my jaw?"
this ones kinda mean but its funny
What sexual position do you have to be in to make the ugliest child? ....If you don't know ask your parents.
The life of a penis: his hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Q: Why is Orgasm a 6 letter word?
A: Cuz its easier to spell than....
OhmygodyesOhs**tdeeperyesgodnopleaseohf**kmebabypleaseohyesyes
Sex is like KFC, once your done nibbling on the breast and thighs, you have a greasy box to put your bone in.
Two preiests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there is a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks at the priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm, not your penis." The other replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to just two butts a day."
Q: What is the speed limit for sex?
A: 68 cause at 69 you gotta turn around. lol
[fieldhockey bitch]
Q:what is the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A:a rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo! and a blonde says any-cock-will-doo!
[fieldhockey bitch]
Q: What is worse than a pile of dead babies?
A: A live one underneath.
Q: What's worse than that?
A: The live one eats its way out.
Q: Whats' worse than that?
A: The live one comes back for seconds.
[fieldhockey bitch]
q:whats blue cold and dripping?
a:a dead baby in a ziploc baggie
[ninja penguin]
Q:whats worse than 10 dead babys nailed to a tree??
A:1 dead baby nailed to ten trees
Q:whats the diffrence between a dump truck filled with bowling balls and a dump truck filled with dead babys?
A:you cant unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork
Q how do you get 10 dead babys into a tuperwear container?
A:Blender.
Q:how do you get then out?
A:Torilla chips
Q; whats red and pink and runny that lays in every corner?
A:a baby that has been playing with a chainsaw.
[La Fleur de La Croix]
There was a helicopter with a preist, pilot, three Boy Scouts, and a lawyer. They were about to go down and only had three parachutes. So the pilot said, "The Boy Scouts had only lived a short life. So let's give it to them." Then the lawyer said, "Fuck the Boy Scouts!" The preist replied quickly, "Do we have time?"
[Ringbearer]
A woman is married, and as a virgin she steps into the bed. Her man comes from the bathroom, and takes off his pants, showing that he has an artificial foot. Upset, she take sthe phone and calls her mother.
"Mommy, my husband has only one foot."
"Only one? Lucky girl, your dad barely has 4 inches."
[total_lesbo]
what do you get when you cross raggedy ann with the pilsbury dough boy?
"an ugly redhead with a yeast infection"
[James Von Fugger, King of the Zombies!]
I like my women like I like my wine. Three years old and imported from South America.
I like my women like I like my computers. 90% plastic and from California.
I like my women like I like my electronics. Small, japanese, and doesnt work right without things in their holes.
I like my women like I like my wars. Fast, dirty, and in third world countries.
[Whiskers]
I like my women how I like my coffee: ground-up, in a can, in the freezer.
[*Suicidal Cupcake*]
A priest kept chickens at his village parish,
one evening the cock went missing. At mass the priest asked ''Who has a cock''
All the men got up.
''No no, i mean who has seen a cock?''
All the women got up.
''no! Who has see a cock that isnt their's?''
Half the women got up.
''Oh for goodness sake! Who's seen my cock?''
All the choir boys got up!
[Stewie Griffin (Insane Clown)]
A boy goes over to a girls house and the girl takes the boy in the room and the girl lays down and starts yelling and Moaning saying you want some, you want some, she looks up at the boy and asks if he wants to try so he sits down and he starts yelling and groaning....the boy gets up after many hours and says Halo 3 is really hard
[*Suicidal Cupcake*]
A man was at the doctors, having a test run. The doctor asked him for a sperm sample. So the man went home to collect it.
He came back the next day and handed an empty jar to the doctor. The doctor asked "Well, wheres the sample?"
The man replied; "Well, first I tried with my left hand, then my right hand, then both hands, then my wife tried with both her hands, then she tried with her mouth, then the lady next door came over and she tried with both her hands, then HER mouth.
But we couldent get the lid of the damn jar"
[Midori] One I made up.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis an a potato?
A: A Dictator!
Another one I made up.
Q: What do you call a chicken that can't get a hard-on?
A: Boneless!
Did you hear about Cinderella's vagina being turned into a pumpkin? Boy was she pissed. That is, until she met peter peter pumpkin eater.
[Richardd.] Its A One Liner But Its Funny
Innuendos Are More Pleasing When No One Sees It Coming
[Ascenterra]
Two old grandmas are sitting at a bus stop waiting for a bus. They're both smoking and it begin to rain. One of the grandmas pulls out a condom and puts it over her cigarette. The other grandma was amazed at the idea she runs across the street to the drug store.
She walks in and asks the clerk for a box of condoms. The young man, confused that an old woman asking for a condom, hesitantly asks what brand and size. The grandma replies
"Doesn't matter as long as it fits over a camel!"
[*Suicidal Cupcake*]
(I read this one in the staff room of my work experiance place xDD)
There was a family waiting at the bus stop. There was a husband, wife and 9 children.
When the bus arrived they found there was only enough room for the mother and children, so the husband and a blind man who had also been waiting had to walk.
After a while of walking, the man became annoyed about the constant tapping of the blind mans cane, so he said "Hey! That cane is so irritating, it's always tapping. Can't you put a peice of rubber at the end of your stick?"
The blind man turns to him and says "Well, if you had put a rubber over the end of YOUR stick we wouldent be walking so shut up."
[Dead Inside.] Too funny to not post.
There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs ass and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in. So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stick the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize. Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig, and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them. The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" "Shit flying everywhere," the farmer replied. The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started crying. The reporter asked, "What's the matter?" The farmer replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."
[Elegantly Disheveled]
"I like my women like i like my wine, 8 years old and locked in my basement"
[Ðﻉg_ƒªи]
A boy goes up to his parents with a football magazine.
His dad sees it and smiled.
The boys says "Dad, I want to play football."
Dad nods. "Alright. what position?"
"I was thinking I'd start off as tight end, then work my way up to wide reciever."
[д×ﻉ| PK]
their one liners but still funny
you know your from the country when you play music out of a bottle
you know your canadian when you call "ham" bacon
you know your canadian when you think 15 degree weather is alittle warm
[UV-Reactive*]
A man decided to go to a costume party he was invited to by a work collegue, but he had no idea what to wear, until it popped into his head. He changes into a pair of blue jeans and went to the party.
A girl in a nurse suit looked at him, topless with a pair of jeans on, she asked him,
"So what are you?"
"Guess." He replied.
She guessed anything and everything he could be.
"Ok, I give up," She said, "What are you?"
He took a deep breath and said.
"I'm premature ejaculation, I just came in my pants."
xD
[Elegantly Disheveled]
where is the best place to find a paraplegic?
...right where you left it..
[confirmed; x-core-addict]
Q: When do you know when someone is very fast?
A: If he can run around a lantern so fast he can f*ck himself in the *ss.
Q: And when are two people very fast?
A: When they jump into a bush together and people come back out of the bush.
P.s. sorry for my bad English.
[Neurotic Obsession]
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he Hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.' The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
'What do you think frog?' The man asks.
'Ribbit 3 wood.' The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,'OK where to next?'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas .. They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now What?'
The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, 'What do you think I should Bet?'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table..
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel. He sits the frog down and Says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful...'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Kiss Me.' He figures why not, since after all the frog did for Him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.'
[Elegantly Disheveled]
Soo i was balls deep in this guy right? and we were just goin at it....then i decided to give him a reach around. ...sooo i went to grab his dick....and he was hard! I immediately jumped out of the bed put on a towel....annnd as i was walking out the door i turned to him and said "faggot!"
Back to Elfpack Jokes
Related: http://www.elftown.com/_Perverted%20Jokes
[Onyi]
A man goes for blood test. Nurse took his finger blood sample but didn't have cotton clean his finger so she sucks the finger. He's so happy and asks: can i get a urine test also
[Onyi]
husband: darline u need to learn how to cook and do the house chores
wife: why,we have house help for those.
husband: they are getting expensive to maintain, i can no longer pay them
wife: then u need to learn how to fuck,if not dont fire the driver
[Onyi]
A bride tells her husband "honey,u know i'm a virgin and i dont know anything abt sex can u explain",ok swthrt putting it simply we will cal ur private part the prison & mine prisoner,so wat we do is puttin d prisoner into d prison and then dey made luv 4 d first time,afterwards d guy is lying face up on d bed smilin wit satisfaction.
Nudging him,d bride giggles "honey d prisoner seems 2 hav escaped,turnin on his side,he smiles,then we wil hav to re-imprison him,after d 2nd time they spent,the guy reaches for a cigarette but d girl thoroughly enjoying d new experience of luv makin gives him a suggestive smile"honey d prisoner is out again but d man rises to d occasion but wit d unsteady legs of a recently born foal,afterward he lays back on d bed exhausted,she nudges him and says honey d prisoner escaped again,limply turning his head he YELLS at her HEY,ITS NOT A LIFE SENTENCE
[byebye!!]
definition of disappointment:
walking into a wall with a boner and braking your nose first.
[Hedda] - This isn't "questionable", but right out inappropriate...
- Why are twenty four years old so damn sexy?
- Because there are twenty of them!
[Faeangel]
Q: what did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: Dont get me hard i just got laid
[Shape Of Despair]
A little boy steps on a butterfly, dad says no butter for a week. He steps on a honeybee, dad says no honey for a week. Mom steps on a cockroach... little boy says to dad, are you going to tell her or should I?
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