Question/Answer Jokes

Submit your jokes (that ask a question and the punchline is the answer) below the divider.
Be sure to read EP Joke Rules before submitting, and place an <hr> line between submissions
Older jokes have been moved to the Question/Answer Jokes Archive

---

[Sami_jane x]

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

---

[har]

Q. How do you make a sausage roll?
A. Roll it down a hill.

---

[chocolatemonster]

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one

---

[I stabbith ye]

Q: What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle?
A: Run over!

---

[Jester]

Q: What succeeds most of the time?
A: A Toothless Bird! (sucks-seeds)

---

[Weirdo.Phreak.]

Q: How does Bob Marley like his donut?
A: With jamin'

---

[Mister Creazil]
Q: How did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chickens foot.

---

[::You're So Last Tuesday::]
Q. What does it mean when a drummer drools out both sides of his mouth?
A. The stage is even.

Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A. Give him some sheet music.

Q.How many Bass players does it take to fix a light?
A.One, but the guitarist has to show him first.

Q.What do you call a group of drummers standing in a circle?
A. A Dope Ring.

---

[Fame FAG;;]
Q. A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he still has the longest beard in town, how is that possible?
A. He's a Barber.

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card.

---

[3D]
Q. What do you get when crossing a steam shovel and a hot tamale?
A. Hot Diggiti!

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. Oh, I'll tell you tomorrow!

---

[3D]
Q. Why did the kids all eat their homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. Whats the difference between a Brussels sprout and a bogie?
A. You can't get the kids to eat the Brussels sprout.

---

[Asrun]
Q. What kind of cheese isn't yours?
A. Nacho Cheese

---

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A. "Damn!"

---

[dimmu_borgir3212]
Q. Why did a kid throw a clock out the window?
A. To see time fly.

---

[3D]
Q. What did the picture say to the other picture?
A. I heard you got framed. 

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. How do you kill a circus?
A. Go for the juggler.

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. Did you hear the joke about the butter?
A. Don't worry you will only spread it.

---

[Predator Elder19]
Q. Did you hear the joke about the very high wall?
A. I better not you will never be able to get over it.

---

[3D]
Q. "Waiter, why is your thumb on my steak?"
A. "Well,didn't want to drop it again."

---

[Ashley's Amazon]
Q.What does an envelope say when you lick it?
A. Nothing. It just shuts up.

---

[Taking Back Jo]
Q. Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
A. To see his flat-mate. *tear.

---

[sk8terpunkrock]

"Ai" said the wee man peeing in the wind "It's all coming back to me"

---

[sk8terpunkrock]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.

---

[Amaranthine]
Q. Why did the boy throw his toast out the window?
A. He wanted to see the butter fly

---

[Amaranthine]

Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. "Between you and me, something smells!" (your nose)

---

[Amaranthine]

Q. What goes in long and hard, and comes out wet and sticky?
A. A stick of gum. (And what were you thinking!?)

---

[Predator Elder19]

Q. What does a pelican and a taxman have in common?
A. They can both shove their bill up their bum.

---

[devilgrl666]

Q:How do you make a bandstand?
A:Take their chairs away.

---

[Dirtydawg™]

Q. how many drunks dose it takes to screw in a light bulb...?
A. 11. one to hold the light bulb and ten to drink enough to make the room spin.

---

[Frosty French Fry]
Q:What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with?
A: Croc-cocaine

---

[Lady of Lore]

Q: What goes white, black, white, black, white, black, thud?
A: a nun falling down the stairs.

---

[Lady of Lore]

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.  

---

[SilentScream]

Q: How do you get Dr. Phil in a bikini?
A: Take the "I" out of Bikini and the "F" out of way.
Problem: There's no "F" in way.

---

[Kusu]

Q:What's the greatest part about having sex with twenty five year old girls?
A: There's 20 of them

---

[i have left elfpack. see you.]

Q:Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A:So they can float upside-down in the custard without being seen.

Q:Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside-down in custard?
A:EXACTLY!

---

[Chainer]
Q: What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you?
A: Get your drunken arse off of the merry-go-round.

---

[ninja penguin]
Q:what starts with a F and ends in an U-C-K
A:FIRE TRUCK!!!

[i have left elfpack. see you.]
Q:What starts with P and ends in O-R-N?
A:Popcorn!!!

---

[Avrora_Black]
Q: How many moves do you have to do to put an elephant in a fridge?
A: Three! Open the door, put the elephant in the fridge and close the door.

Q:How many moves do you have to do to put a giraffe in a fridge?
A: Four! Open the door, take the elephant out of the fridge, put the giraffe in the fridge and close the door.

Q:There's a huge fire in the jungle. Which animal will survive?
A: The giraffe, because it's in the fridge!

---

[eyelinertears]
Q:How do you know when your really ugly?
A:When i dog is humping your leg with its eyes closed!

---

[JENNA.co.uk;]
Q: How do you know when a monster is under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling...!

---

[Poison Apple]
Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: 'Cause seven eight nine.

---

[phoenixborn]
Q. How is a computer like an air conditioner?
A. When you open Windows it won't work.

---

[phoenixborn]

Q. What did the blonde say when she saw a box Cheerios?
A. "Neat...Doughnut seeds!"

---

[phoenixborn]
Q. What's grosser than gross?
A. When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.

Q. What's grosser than that?
A. When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

---

[phoenixborn]
Q. What's the difference between a Porsche and a hedgehog?
A. A hedgehog has pricks on the outside.

---

[Mr.Bong_420]
Q. Why do they give old people Viagra at nursing homes?
A. To keep them from rolling out of bed.

---

[RedPhoenixVII]
Q: What was Helen Keller's favorite color?
A: Courderoy.

---

[Wally :)]
Q. What's the similarity between these jokes, and a can of corn?
A. They are both corny.

---

[VampireKisses]
Q. What do you call a donkey with ear muffs on?
A. Anything you want. He can't hear you.

---

[fieldhockey bitch]
Q: There is a smart blonde, King Kong, and Godzilla all on the empire state building. Which one jumps first?
A: None, because none of them exist.

---

[The-Salaminizer]
Q: What has nine arms and sucks?
A: Def Leppard

---

[$cutie kim$]
Q: Why is it not safe for turkeys to do math?
A: Because they add 5 and 3 and get ate (like the number eight)

---

[Mr. Oogie Boogie]
Q: What do accountants do when they're constipated?
A: They work it out.. with a pencil.

---

[Andy8178]
Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
A: You would too if your name was Gddksfhgkjgkjshfagwlkjehwriuaw

---

[Blaspheme]
Q: What's the sexiest thing on a farm?
A: Brown chicken Brown cow.

---

[Andy8178]
Q: Who is best known for causing the Mt. St. Helens Eruption, The World Series Earthquake, and The Asian Tsunami in 2004?
A: Blame Dawn French, she's also known for being clumsy and tripping a lot.

---

[Wally :)]
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Give them a simple question.

---

[Jabberwocky]
Q: What you call dog with no legs?
A: Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
A: It was intense.

Q: There is an all purple one story house. The walls are purple, the carpet is purple, the shutters are purple, everything is purple. What color are the stairs?
A: There are no stairs; it's a one story house!

---

[entire parenthesis]
Q: Do you know what kind of world i dream of?
A: I dream of a better world, a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

---

[Jabberwocky]
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

---

[entire parenthesis]
Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is a feather, kinky is the whole chicken.

---

[Jabberwocky]

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.

---

[Jabberwocky]
Q: Do you know why little girls have it easier than little boys?
A: Little girls only have to check for a monster under their bed, but little boys have to check for monsters AND Michael Jackson.

---

[Mr. Oogie Boogie]
Q: Why does Michael Jackson love 27 year olds?
A: Because there's 20 of them.

---

[entire parenthesis]
Q: Why is Michael Jackson white?
A: It's because he had a cillit bang bath.

---

[Yasmin_x]
Why is a man like a packet of cards?
You need a heart to love them
A diamond to marry them
A club to hit the bastard on the head
A spade to bury the fucker!

---

[phoenixborn]
Q.How do you know when elephants have been having sex in your garden?
A. The flowers are squashed and all your refuse sacks are missing

---

[Andy8178]
Q. How come dinosaurs don't talk
A. 'Cause they're dead!

---

[Kaos101]
Q. How much does a polar bear weigh?
A. Enough to break the ice, how you doin?

---

[Kaos101]
Q. What's another name for asexual reproduction?
A. Do-yourselfers

---

[*mimi*]
Q: What’s the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A: A genealogist looks up the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Q: What do Disney World & VIAGRA have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: What is the difference between women and computers?
A: A women will not take a 3.25 inch floppy.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go,
they take your house and car with them.

---

[Arms Wide Open]
Q:What do you say after being hit by a lorry?
A: Nothing!

---

Return to Elfpack Jokes