I am Peeves, and I'm an advice columnist for Demon Lime.  Since that goddamn idiot 
boss of mine, Eric, fucked 
up my section of the site, 
I'm moving it here for a while.  
Send me a message with your 
question, and I might answer it.  
Or, if you must, send it to me 
at impeeves@yahoo.com.  
Got that?  Good loser, now get lost.

These are the last 
questions I actually answered on my website:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

If you're someone who really 
needs advice, that's fine -- 
go ahead and ask me. But only 
if you need REAL advice and 
have a REAL question. Got that?

So if you're one of the losers
 who sends me nonsense bullshit 
questions, here's some advice: 
get a goddamn life, dullard. 
Who the hell do you think you are?

Now that we have that settled, 
on to one of the oldest -- and 
most bullshit -- philosophical 
questions of all time.

Dear Peeves,

Seeing as you're so smart, 
tell me which came first chicken or egg?

-- G.

G. --

Remember in school when they told you 
"there's no such thing as a stupid question"? 
They lied. Your question is unbelievably stupid.

Why? Because the question is purely semantic. 
The only real difference between a chicken and an egg is the
word you use to describe it. At least as far as nature is
concerned.
So shut the hell up before I throw a carton of eggs in your direction.

-- Peeves


Dear Peeves,

hey, go here and we both get a free ipod

pretty pretty please :)

[url removed]

-- M.

M --

Goddamn it.
Fuck sending people advertisements, fuck pyramid schemes, and most 
importantly FUCK YOU.
I don't want to ever get shit 
like this from you -- or anyone 
else -- ever again. Have I made myself 
clear on this issue? Do I have to ram 
my boot down your fucking throat?

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

can a living human be genetically modified.? 
ie not during fertilsation but a already human

-- E.S.

E.S. --

What is this, a pop quiz? Look dullard, 
I don't know who you're planning on 
genetically modifying but it had better not be me.

If you come within 10 feet of my house, 
you're going to have a baseball bat in the goddam chest. Understand?

Now get lost, freak.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

me just want to know how me can get outside 
safely without the damn people from 
immigration arresting me to send me back mexico...
me really like being here with the 
gringos can you help me?

-- P.

P. --

No.

-- Peeves

Links: http://www.askpeeves.com/, http://www.demonlime.com/